sometimes even when i am lying right next to you
i am alone
it feels as though my heart has been ripped from my chest
and trampled
how am i to give my heart to Love when it is in pieces?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cYaTywSDmls&feature=player_embedded

wallowing

you can start to feel pretty awful when you realize the things that you do that are not for God. Its awful and then you feel disappointed in yourself and drag yourself along wondering why the heck did you do it, and mope around feeling like you let everyone down - especially God.

ok ok it is what i do... maybe no else does..

then you try to remember God is merciful.. and you say an act of Contrition, tell Him you are sorry.. then you are supposed to entrust yourself to His mercy and perhaps go on.

The go on part is where i struggle. yes it is self pity... and annoying ... sometimes it is a struggle for me to move past it... i think wow.. if i loved Him as much as i say.. then why did i do this.... .thing.

if you go to Him a million times and ask for forgiveness.. He will forgive you.

Jesus, i have been at your feet once, please help me once again.

Not so different

I have, in the past, described God in the Old Testament as a loving Father, correcting His children when they would turn away, asking them to come back. Sometimes they would, but most times they would continue on, forgetting what they promised Him. At times they were so stubborn that He had to correct them in the way you would if a child reached out to touch something dangerous.

I realized yesterday that we are not so very different. I used to think we were, but it dawned on me that we are no better than the Israelites. We are stubborn, we are corrected and we turn back to God, but then we manage to wander away again choosing what we want, following false gods (anything we put in the place of God is false) and choosing our way, which may not be what He wants for us.

God have mercy, and lead everyone back to you.

apparent

It occurred to me how sweet God is.

I don't know, but it was apparent to Him our ignorance, that though we choose to follow Him, we continue to stumble and fall. So our sweet Father knowing how much help we need, sent Jesus our dear Lord and saved us all. How much love did that take? Knowing full well our incapacity, our weakness, our failures, He saved us anyway.

Thank you God, my Father. It seems as though it is a mountain that I climb, and I continually slip and fall, but I love You. Thank you for loving and saving me.

Everything has to start somewhere

I hope that if you have stumbled across this blog, you will find it enjoyable and something that you can identify with. It will be posts about an ordinary life, and one struggle to find that sweetness in the solitude of prayer ... spending time with God as we wander through this life until we are forever with Him. God Bless!